I don't remember being that stoopid

Well classes have started and I think that I am really going to enjoy mine.

My schedule is pretty sweet. I only have one class on Monday and Wednesday and only two on Tuesday and Thursday and one online course. This set-up leaves me plenty of time to work on campus and get my course work done as well.

The first of the semester is always the busiest time for my job. All of the faculty want their syllabi copied, or equipment reserved, or some other completely assinine thing. I do not mind because it is the one time of the year that I actually feel useful. My days don't drag on forever, because i am busy.

One thing that does bother me is that recently the people who do all of the planning and scheduling for classrooms here schedule classes from other departments in our building. It normally is not that bad but it ccan be annoying. In the past mostly we have had a couple of classes from the College of Business and maybe one history or psych class. This year it is a completely different story.

They have schedule lots of other classes here. IN fact there are more classes from other departments than our classes. Some of our faculty are having back to back classes on completely different end of the campus. I feel bad for them (sorta, kinda, well not really) especially since they just rearrange all of the parking on them. The worst part of these classes this year is that a large majority of them are FRESHMAN English comp courses. I can't believe some of these guys that come through...it is almost comical.

I had one guy come through and could not find his class. Well me being the helpful office assistant that I am I offered to look it up and find the location for him. I did that and showed him where the class was and left. About 5 minutes later I had to go down the hall for something in my other office and I see that he is still standing outside of that class. OK?? Well when I ask him if there was anything I could help him with he proceeded to tell me that he did not want to interupt the class since it looked like they had already started. Ok when the guy first came in the office he was already about 5 minutes late for the class and now he is pushing 10-15 late. OK what did he expect?? Did he want me to barge in the class for him or to tell him that he could go home or was he waiting on the Prof to notice he was not in class and check outside for him?? One word....IDIOT! My response was kinda harsh but you all know how i feel about stupid people. I told him his option was to either decided that going to class was not that important since he missed the first 5 minutes or to go on in. Basically I told him to quit being a tard and just walk in.

You know seriously I do not remember being that stupid when I was a freshman. Each year they look younger and they act more stupid.

Another of those random outbursts

This post will be another one of those random collection from my delusional mind.

Ok so have you noticed that the more education a person gets the more stupid they get? We have a new PHD here and she was causing a ruckus in my office today...wanna know why?? All because her name was not listed on the staff board in the hallway. You would think that someone with a PHD would not be that caught up in themselves. Guess I was wrong! Maybe having a PHD just gives you the right to be narcissistic. Regardless since my boss has one himself...I guess he understood her views and crawled my tail and told me that was the first thing I was supposed to do today. I had a whole freakin list of other stuff that is more important. Plus I was waiting on the final list of graduate assistants and Adjuncts to do it all at once...BUT NO...I had to do it first. And of course as I am putting it up there on the board who should come down the hall but Mrs. PHD herself. She made a big deal about how it was so nice of me to do that and that it was great to be up there and that it is the little things in life that matter. I have only one thing to say to that.... "If you have any poo fling it now!" Ok so if you have not seen Madagascar that will not make a lot of sense, but I suggest seeing it and then you will laugh yourself out of your chair.

Have you ever had someone you just can't get outta you mind? It is one of those things that are unexplainable. I don't know why this person will not quit invading my thoughts and yes even my dreams the other night...Shut up you perverts no not those kind of dreams! No I will not tell you who this is so do not ask! I mean it! There are somethings in life that you should just keep to yourself. Anyway it is not that I mind this person in my thoughts it is just a little outta the blue! I will have to ponder on this an figure out the cause! See there it is again they are going to be in my thoughts again! AHH!

The new roommate still seems normal. I am still waiting for him to reveal something like he is really from outer space or a devil worshipper. I mean he just seems way to normal. Oh well maybe I should quit being a pessimist.

Classes start on Monday and I am not looking forward to that it is going to be rough on me. My class load is kind of heavy but hey i am the one that wants to graduate so i can't complain too much. What I can complain about however is that the University has decided to screw stuff up again. They have completely redone the parking structure here. They renamed all of the lots and rearrange all of the spots in them. my normal parking spots that I always get because i get here early in the morning for work are no longer for commuter students they are faculty spots! Like they need more spots that close...If you have seen any of them, some of them could really use the exercise.

Oh well guess I will just have to pick a new spot. Alrighty well until the next installment...you peeps take care!

New roomie

My new roommate moved in yesterday! I think that maybe something is happening right for a change. I can see the light at the end of it all.

He is 21 just graduated from Bowling Green State University with a degree in flight technology. He is originally from...I think he said Freemont, Ohio-Up there around Sherrie's territory. He seems to be a very laid back easy going sorta guy. He will be working at Pensacola Aviation as a flight instructor. I think that we will get along great. He doesn't strike me as your typical fly-boy. I almost hit the ground when I was helping him move in and saw that not only does he read but he had a Hunter S. Thompson book. For all of you non-journalists out there, Thompson is a famous journalist that wrote several books with a unique perspective and just recently died.

I think he is the social type of person so I don't have to worry about living with a hermit that is going to demand i turn the TV down or not have guest over after a certain hour. It's a good thing too because if someone asked me that I would have to very quickly remind them that it is my house. But alas I should not have to do that.

He likes to cook, loves to grill, listens to rock music and is a well rounded individual.

So YAY not only do I have a roommate and the income that comes with it, but I got a good roommate.

A new day

Well...things are still rough but I have made a decision that depression sucks and there is no need for me to be in that state.

I woke up this morning and decided to change my attitude. Thank you everyone that offered the kind words and positive thinking to me. Thank you brother for being there to listen to me whine and complain. Thank you for being you. I know that I can always count on you for support.

Thanks Mom & Dad for lending me a helping hand. Thank you for standing behind me when you didn't have to. You guys have been amazing these past couple of months, more than any child could ask for.

Ok so now that I the thank-you's out of the way....

I took today to get things in order. I cleaned the house, I bought the floor covering for my house, and I lined up a new roommate.

It is amazing how much you over look when you are depressed. WHen I woke up this morning and got out of my room I looked around and only one word would come to mind. EWWW! It was like all of that stuff had popped up over night. Of course it had not, but I was too self absorbed in my depression to realize that I had let some things go (and grow).

I went to the carpet place and ordered the wood flooring stuff for the extra bedroom and bathroom and the hallway. The guys will be here bright and early on Friday morning to install all of it. I am sooooo happy about that. (Thanks mom and dad)

Now that the floor will be fixed I can find myself a roommate...OH wait I already did! He will move in either on Monday or Tuesday. He is moving down here from Ohio to work at Pensacola Aviation as Flight Instructor. He seems really nice and down to earth. I think he will be OK. He has graduated from Bowling Green State University. I think either my age or one year my junior. I am looking forward to getting to know a new person and having someone else in the house again. Even if we end up not getting along at least the house will not be so quite all the time.

Well the sun has risen and set on a new day for me. It has brought about a lot of changes and I feel much better. I know that it may seem a little sudden given my last post but honestly that is the way i do things. If I am sad I just decide not to be and then I am not. OK well maybe it is not always that easy because I did have some help this time, but you get the point.

Tired...

*****WARNING*****

I have been extremely introspective lately. The following is a result of that journey inside myself, plus some really crappy things happening in my life. What you are about to read could be extremely depressing and maybe even a little melodramatic. But hey that's life.

*****WARNING*****

**Sigh**

There are some people in life that just are not meant to succeed. I used to think that everyone no matter what could be someone, and go somewhere. I think that finally I have realized that I was just being a naive little child.

Sometimes no matter how hard you try in life your current situation is as good as it gets. You may never get what you want. That person may never look your way. And yes you just may be stuck in that dead-end job for the rest or your life.

Let's face it, the odds are never in your favor. So what if you have a great personality (Your head is the size of a melon) So what if you have a ton of money (Nobody likes you so who will you spend it on) So what if You could be in an Calvin Klein underwear ad (You are socially retarded). Basically what I am saying is that....well....ummmm....I don't really know what I am saying. Maybe that Life has a way of balancing things out and giving everyone an equal pile of crap to deal with. But then again I feel sorry for everyone if they have the same size pile as I do lately.

Just when you think that you have made it up the staircase a few steps, someone flips the switch and you realize you are actually trying to go up a downwards moving escalator.

I am tired of running up those steps. Extremely tired. I am getting ready to just camp out at the bottom of the stairs and wait for someone to turn off the switch, lock-up and go home. Then maybe I can sneak up them before they catch me.

I used to think that all I needed were my friends...Wow was I naive again. I love my friends but there is only so much that they can do for you. I find myself seeking their comfort less and less. Almost as though maybe I am afraid that they will by association have things worse for them. I think that I came to this conclusion because some of my friends actually cause me more pain than they give me joy. Now don't get me wrong it is not intentional (Or at least in my naive little corner of reality I hope not). I won't go into all of the details because trust me this post is already depressing enough, but sometimes in life it hurts a lot more to be close to someone than to be alone.

I am tired of acting happy, putting on my fake smile, telling everyone I am doing great (when i am not), and just generally trying to hide the funk that has set in over me.

I am just tired. I am tired of being alone and I am tired of being around people. I am tired of smiling and I am tired of frowning. I am tired of sitting still and I am tired of running to catch up. Why can't I just be myself and why can't I just be someone else? I guess you could say that I am exhausted.

I have no one else to blame but myself. I would not dream of taking the easy way out (like so many do) and try to blame it on my parents or the way they raised me (I think they did a pretty good job given what they had to work with AKA me). I can't say that some big traumatic event scarred me for life. (I have had several big ones how could I chose which one gets the credit)

I am at the breaking point. I am swimming in the ocean and I do not know which way is up.

Maybe I should buy a lottery ticket

So I am fighting with financial aid yet again! I mean come on seriously anyone that doesn't believe just how broke I am and I need the financial aid is invited to my house for dinner. Just so you know though, we will be having Raman Noodles (well the generic brand anyway because they are cheaper.)

For some reason the federal government's "completely random" selection proccess has again flagged my application for verification and review. What-ever-the-hell that means. I am beginning to think that maybe just maybe the feds lie??? Who woulda thought WMD's and random selection proccess would fall under the same category. OH well! Lies all Lies! :-)

What are the chances that my name out of the millions of students that apply each year would be selected twice in a row. I mean if I am that lucky at random selection maybe I should buy some lottery tickets from a couple of states? While I am at it maybe I should also fill out those publisher's clearing house things I got in the mai lthe other day.

Oh yeah on a completely different topic I am again starting to work on my books that I want to one day publish. Some select few of you may get a request for some literary critiques in the near future.

Of course all of you that would read it will have to sign a non-laughter agreement! ;-)

Someone is lying to people...

I remember someone telling me that college was fun, easy, "the time of your life." They lied.

In fact I had someone just the other day tell me that they wished they could go back to their college days because things were just so much easier. Well I have news for them...I don't know about things back in their day but I am somewhat of an expert on today...it is not easy!

People think that just because you are in college that is the only thing that you have to worry about. Well in my little corner of reality this is not the case. I have just as many worries and obligations as most adults that either have graduated or never went to college.

My responsibilities are vvery overwhelming sometimes. I am a college student and while I may not be typical of the average college population...most of my friends are facing the same things.

I am broke...AKA Having NO money. I have a mortgage, bills (I won't name them all), insurance, and various other things that have to be paid for and handled.

I work two jobs just to be able to get by. I am awake by 6 a.m. and work from 8 a.m. until almost 10 p.m. every night of the week. I try to fit classes in that time somehow. (Sometimes I feel like I am not so much as going to college as working my tail off to be able to say that I am going to college)

Social life?? HAHAHA what's that? My social life consists of actually making to class (when i am not working) and seeing the back of my friends head as I listen to a professor drone on while I think "Man I could be at work making some money to be able to pay for my electricity this month." Once in a while I have a group project to work on so I actually get to see my friends outside of class while we work on the project...but of course invariably I end up having to take off from work to be able to participate so that i don't flunk. Which cause an entire different set of problems.

Someone told me well when things get rough at least you can still go home and have your parents take care of you! Again I laugh hysterically. Not because mom and dad would not put me up and feed me but because you actually have to have money to be able to afford the trip home. 130 miles may not sound like a lot but let me assure you with the price of gas today it is about $20 do you know how many groceries I could buy with that? (When I say groceries I mean cup'o'noodles for $00.10 a piece and Tostino's pizza for $00.99 a piece. Forget buying things like hamburger meat or chicken.) Not to mention that to go home again I have to take of work and lose money in the process.

And don't even get me started on how people just think that all we have to worry about is school. Have you ever tried working a double shift, putting in 3-4 hours worth of work on a project, and then spending a couple of hours outlining and reading a 75 page chapter for a test that is tomorrow? Well I have and let me tell you books do not make comfortable pillows and the drool from where you passed out on them does not really improve them any. It is amazing to think that people actually get 8 hours worth of sleep a night. I think my body might shut down if I did that. Sometimes I am lucky to get 8 hours of sleep in a week. Trust me college students do not sleep all day like some people think we do.

I know that I have ranted on enough on the subject and poor pitiful Marcus who has it so bad....That is not what I want...I just want people to realize that this life is not exactly easy. In fact I would be willing to bet that I have more worries and resposibility than large numbers of your average adult population.

It is not fun, easy or any of the above...but it is something that I have to do. So the next time you see a college student out there and want to think wow I wish I could go back to those days....Instead of envying them or even pitying them, how about buying them dinner, or taking them to see a movie. Anything out of the ordinary to brighten their day because take it from me their day could always use some sunshine.